Acharei Mot/ K’doshim 2010

I have a lot of respect for people who keep all of the מצוות in the Torah. Of course, there are some מצוות that we can’t keep any more. All of the ones that have to do with sacrifice at the Temple, for example. But there are people who really do their best to keep all of the מצוות that can be kept.

Sometimes these people are a little self righteous. They are a little full of themselves. If they see someone breaking a commandment, they may take it upon themselves to say something about it. And you know, that’s really not so bad. Our parasha this week tells us that you shall surely rebuke your kinsman. So it depends on how the rebuking is done. It could range from the nicest possible kind of correction--

“Hmmm, I’m not really sure if those crawfish are kosher. Why don’t you try some of my corned beef?”

to the meanest, say throwing rocks at people driving on Shabbat. Some might say that people who rebuke in nasty ways are, by definition, not keeping all of the מצוות. But in some ways, I can kind of understand their point of view.

What I can’t understand are people who transgress מצוות right and left, and then yell at other people for transgressing מצוות. You wouldn’t expect to drive through Bnei Brak on Saturday and see a Chasid eating a bacon-cheeseburger and talking on his cell phone, who then throws a rock at you for driving. It is not likely to happen.

And yet there are people who do the equivalent. There are people who pick one or two מצוות, usually ones that they find personally unpleasant, and then go off criticizing people who transgress that one מצווה. The one that is most often picked is one found in this week’s double parsha, Acharei Mot and K’doshim.

Vayikra 18:22 states  וְאֶת־זָכָר לֹא תִשְׁכַּב מִשְׁכְּבֵי אִשָּׁה תּוֹעֵבָה הִוא A man shall not lie with a man as he lies with a woman; it is an abhorrence.

There are plenty of people who have bacon for breakfast, who do not rest on Shabbat, who do not fast on Yom Kippur, who single out this one מצווה and tell you that men must not sleep with men because Gd has forbidden it. By the way, of the three things I just listed, eating non-kosher food is also considered an abhorrence. So is idolatry.

Now, I want to be fair. This is not as senseless as it seems. Christians divide מצוות into ritual מצוות and ethical מצוות. There is a similar division in Judaism, מצווה בין אדם והמקום, commandments between mankind and Gd, and מצוות בין אדם לחברו, commandments between mankind and mankind. Christianity has, in general, stated that ritual מצוות, those between mankind and Gd, such as keeping kosher, hearing the shofar, eating matzah on Passover-- all of this are no longer valid. Ethical מצוות, those between people, such as thou shalt not murder, honor your father and mother, and so on, are still valid, according to Christianity. So a Christian might fairly say that it is all right for him to eat bacon, and then go ahead and criticize someone who has transgressed an ethical commandment.

That leads us to two questions: First, is Vayikra 18:22 a ritual commandment, or is it an ethical commandment? Is a man forbidden from lying with a man because it is harmful to human beings, or is it something Gd has decided we should not do to show our devotion to Him? This is an important question, because lawyers have argued against same sex marriage on the basis that it is harmful to human society. However, when asked in what way same sex marriage is harmful to opposite sex marriage, the lawyers have had nothing to say.

In fact, I would suggest that a loving relationship between two men is not in the same category as putting a stumbling block before the blind, or insulting one’s parents. I think we were given this commandment because Pagan religions included sex between men as part of their ritual, which we were forbidden to emulate.

But let’s say I am wrong. Let us say it is an ethical commandment. That leads us to the second question: Do people like Fred Phelps, who criticizes homosexuality, really keep all ethical commandments? So that they are justified in criticizing those who do not? When members of Phelps’ Westboro Baptist Church picket the funerals of men and women who have given their lives serving this country with signs that say ‘Gd hates fags,’ and ‘Thank Gd for IEDs, (improvised explosion devices),’ are they not breaking the commandment, also found in our parasha this week, לֹא־תִשְׂנָא אֶת־אָחִיךָ בִּלְבָבֶךָ, you shall not hate your brother in your heart? 

I’m not going to answer that question. Whether Fred Phelps keeps all ethical commandments, or is a hypocrite, or is merely self-deluded is something that only Gd knows. 

I will, however, ask one more question. That is what this verse, וְאֶת־זָכָר לֹא תִשְׁכַּב מִשְׁכְּבֵי אִשָּׁה תּוֹעֵבָה הִוא really means. We all know there are plenty of verses out there that need to be interpreted before they can be acted upon. What does ‘You shall not boil a kid in it’s mother’s milk’ mean? Obviously, it required a lot of interpretation. Some people say that the verse ‘A man shall not lie with a man as he lies with a woman’ needs no interpretation. There are those who would disagree. 

What does it means when the Torah says ‘as he lies with a woman.’ Wouldn’t it have been enough to say ‘A man shall not lie with a man’? Rabbi Neil Gilman points out that it is physically impossible for a man to lie with a man as he lies with a woman. So perhaps it is not the physical action, but an emotional or balance of power aspect of the relationship that is being forbidden. We are unlikely to ever discover what those in biblical times thought the difference was between lying with a person and lying with a person as you lie with a woman, if any.

The Torah, say the rabbis, was written to be interpreted, and it is a good thing it was, because otherwise it would not have remained as relevant to us as it has. One thing that will never change, however, is the second verse of parasha K’doshim-- You shall be holy, it says, for I, your Gd, am holy. Let us strive for holiness in all of our relationships, whether they are romantic relationships, friendly relationships, or family relationships. And in regards to those who rebuke others-- let us think very carefully about our own shortcomings before we try to figure out what is right for someone else.